There is a lot of lip service paid to grieving in the way that feels right to you. This is, of course, technically true. Some get angry, some isolate, some socialize, some soldier on, some drink, some break down. All of these are good. Fine. Great. And, of course, because Everything Is Always Ok, no one is going to tell you that how you’re grieving is NOT ok. But, in order of socially acceptable, here’s how it really goes:
1. Weeping. Yep, if you’re weeping, the message to the world is “I Am Suffering.” Clear, easy to parse. Lowest Common Denominator Grieving, and the easiest for Other People to understand and relate to. They don’t have to say anything! They can just hug you. If you can, be this kind of griever.
2. Isolate. This one is almost as good as weeping. It’s far less of a socially acceptable way to grieve but, since no one has to see you, it’s fine. People can tell themselves you want to be alone, and you take the social pressure off of your friends because, hey, you want to be alone and they really don’t know what to say to you anyway.
3. Soldier On. Similar to isolation, except that you’re in front of people, but they still won’t insist on making conversation. If you can, it’s good to fake this one to avoid conversation.
4. Drink. If you stop in time, it’s still fun to be around you.
5. Get Angry. Don’t do this. Not only will you completely alienate yourself, but no one will want to be around you. Additionally, the narcissistic among your acquaintance group will forget you’re going through anything at all, take this personally and assume it’s about them. This may, however, prove to be an excellent filter for your future, post-grieving friendships.
Hope this helps.
phreddiva 