A recipe from a non-chef. Non-cook.
I buy everything at Trader Joe’s*, so I’m going with their sizing. Obviously if you’re a real cook you will change these proportions.
1 package sliced, thick-cut bacon (12 oz? ok)
2 packages brussels sprouts (1 lb each, so… 2 lbs. I don’t know, I’m a girl, my math could be flawed; you should check it.)
4 cloves garlic
garlic olive oil
21 seasoning salute
First, clean and slice your brussels sprouts. Cut off the ends and cut them in half.
Cut your bacon into small pieces. I like to cut the strips length-wise, then widthwise so they’re about 1cm square.
Slice your garlic thinly.
Put water into the bottom of a colander like this one:
add some olive oil (2-3 tablespoons) and put the lid on.
Now fry your sliced and cut bacon. You know how. Wear an apron. Like, a sexy one. With heels. Yeah… heels. Like that. Maybe nothing on undernea…
Fry your sliced and cut bacon about 3/4 of the amount of time you would fry your bacon to your taste. Apparently to fry bacon you have to pay attention to the stove and move it around.
When the bacon’s not quite done, and the brussels sprouts are al dente (you DO NOT want mushy brussels sprouts here), take the brussels sprouts off the fire and drain. Don’t forget to turn off the stove. Check that, like, three times, just to be sure. Turn off the fire under the bacon, pour off the grease and save that in a Disney mug of some sort.
You should now have a pan (with the grease poured off) of not-completely-done bacon and a drained pot of all dente brussels sprout halves.
My pan isn’t big enough to do this all at once so, at this point, I put half the bacon into a bowl. Because the bacon isn’t burnt to a crisp like I like it, I can usually refrain from eating all of it.
Leave the bacon (or, in my case, half the bacon) in the pan.
Put the brussels sprouts (or, in my case, half of the brussels sprouts) in the pan.
Turn the stove on low.
NOW IT GETS EXCITING.
Put the sliced garlic in the bottom of the pan!
Add 1 tablespoon of garlic olive oil!
Put the brussels sprouts on top!
Shake some garlic powder onto that whole mess!
Shake some 21 seasoning salute onto that whole mess!
Add a pinch of truffle salt! You’ve gone mad! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! But don’t add nutmeg. Revolting.
Now, the piece de resistance?
You have your bacon grease mug, right?
Take your tablespoon and SPOON THAT STUFF ON TOP OF YOUR FRYING, GREASY, DELICIOUS MESS. Let the brussels sprouts soak it up.
Let the garlic fry in it.
Let the bacon unite with its grease, as nature intended. Smell the delicious smells as they unite as one in the pan. Resist the urge to eat the garlic slices straight out of the pan; they are hot. You should still be wearing your saucy apron and heels.
Stir this stuff all in! Move it all around! Make sure the bacon and brussels sprouts are evenly
When it looks done… for me, when the bacon is burnt to a crisp and pretty much all of your delicious semi-firm brussels sprouts have brown edges, YMMV, take that mess off the stove. Pour off any excess grease (LOL, excess)(avoid pouring directly into your mouth), and serve.
*my husband buys everything. Grocery stores make me panicky.