Familiars

Occasionally an animal will come into our lives that is more than just a pet. Often coming to our lives when we least expect them, they become somehow bonded to us, and it’s apparent that this is not just a furry footwarmer, but the creature to whom we return Home. I have seen a few of these in my life; Jake, our family’s second collie. Eek!, Ben’s cat whom I met when it was a kitten, with whom I lived for four years when Ben and I were roommates, and who lived with me and Luke for the last year of his life. Spider, Angela’s giant black furball who lived with me while she was in school. Sylvia’s sweet cat who made it into their wedding vows. Thumper, Jade’s vocal polydactyl. Jasper.

Some animals bond with other animals, or are simply soft and happy, or they’re beautiful purebred creatures only; these bond to us. They know when we’re upset, they look at us like they know what we say and sometimes they talk back. They run to the door when we return home. They’re the reason we don’t want to be away from home for more than a week or so. They’re the barometers by which judge the new people in our lives, and they’re never wrong.

Saying goodbye to these creatures is to say goodbye to a part of ourselves; the part that represented the kind, non-judged and non-judging open heart that we otherwise guard so well. They are our familiars, our daemons, if you go in for that kind of thing (whether or not you do, actually), and like our own shadow (shadows that sometimes trip us), we carry them with us forever.

Jake died Christmas day 1996.
Eek! died July 5 2011.
Spider died January 4 2012.
Sylvia’s cat died this past year.
Thumper joined them today.

I loved Thumper. I didn’t see him enough. I always said to Jade that, I swore, I just wanted one foot. One giant polydactyl paw. She could have the rest of the cat. Every time Jade and I went to one another’s homes, we would go first to the cat and, upon leaving, try to sneak out with the cat. Thumper was Jade’s Jasper.

She had to say goodbye to him today and I am so glad that Ben was there with her, with them. Nothing I say will make it better, and today I am hugging Jasper closer and not pushing him away even when his horrible breath is right in my face. Jade, you can visit us any time… but you can’t have a paw.

R.I.P. Thumper

 

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Jade’s blog, and beautiful posts about Thumper, are here: http://terminallysnarky.com

 

Metamorph

My beloved, amazing friends (and in particular my ladies, my CHA, the women with whom I’m growing old(er)),

We are mostly Of A Certain Age, and I’m seeing a pattern.

The overall pattern is amazing. We’re multicolored, beautiful. But behind this glorious exterior is all that we have been through. The tribulations of our twenties and early thirties were hard; we fought the labels and worlds of our teens, we adopted and created our own, and we are now beginning to cast off the labels with which we dubbed ourselves and have begun the process of accepting ourselves as a whole. Slowly no longer referring to our chemical imbalances (OCD! Neurotic! Depressed! Manic!) as defining features, getting more comfortable simply saying “I’m having an off day,” without labeling it, saying “I’m not up for going out,” without the self-depricating comments that go with it.

Do you know what this is? This is incredible. Most people never take that first step. Most people never bother to figure out their own make-up and address it at all. They vomit their baggage all over the place and don’t apologize. This is the blessing and curse of the examined life; we know too much to feign ignorance and go blindly into the world. This is, apparently, the baseline of my adopted family. Intelligence, brilliance, creativity, and awareness. But the fallout is huge. We figure out who we are as we rebel against the world… and then we figure out that the world thinks we’re all right, the world wants to know what we have to offer, because people who are awake glow like lights in the darkness and are appealing to the asleep for reasons the asleep can’t even explain. This creates some sort of strange juxtaposition between our rebellious teen selves, our examined and perceived-as-broken (OCD! Manic! Depressed! ETC.!) selves and our teetering-on-successful not-quite-midlife selves.

Who are we, if we are not in conflict with the world? Followed by, who are we, if we are not in conflict with ourselves? Followed by, Holy Crap, You Want To Pay Me For My Brain/Talent/Take on Things?

It’s a lot to take in. Of course it throws us into a tailspin. We’ve always been responsible for ourselves; that’s the first rule, the mantra, Weirdo 101. But this is something new; this is realizing that the world, in fact, loves a weirdo (an intelligent one, an eccentric one, an artistic one, a talented one, at least), the world wants to take a weirdo and capture its brilliance, put it under glass, examine it, ram a little pin through it and put it on its wall, to brush close enough to it to feel alive and bright and brilliant for a moment.

This is exhausting. Being aware of others has never been a problem. Being respected by others, others interested in what we had to say, what we thought? This shit is unprecedented. Looking at my last few years, the turmoil, the ups and downs, the changes and finally getting over my own crap enough to breathe into and OWN IT, coming up occasionally for air, I have the chance to see all my brilliant friends doing just… mindboggling things. Amazing, creative, beautiful, intelligent things. Things for which we have been planning our entire lives. We are, together, metamorphosing into something … brilliant. But it hurts. As our old language and old patterns die away, we are exhausted, we have no frame of reference, we must rely on ourselves in a way we never thought we would, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally envy the unexamined.

Do you know what a caterpillar does to become a butterfly? It digests itself. And only the imaginal discs survive. Right now, as I watch, we are absorbing all of what we are, we are becoming bright, brilliant, beautiful, not discarding what we were but absorbing it, using it to fuel our futures. 

I am so proud of you. I admit it, I’m even proud of me, when I’m not too busy wondering when everyone will figure out I’m a fraud, I’m proud of me. And I will see you on the other side, and we will FLY.

Love,
Marisa

Diva Dishes

Following is a list of the suggestions I received on a facebook post asking for good quick late-night and running-around-during the day foods.
Here it is, compiled! Thanks for all of your suggestions.
Not necessarily the healthiest but definitely delicious:
Paula – I’ll scarf salami, cheese with bread. I’ve also hit up Super Suppers before.
Jesse – Salami and cheese are my go to. The sacred wheel soups are my as of late go to, I freeze them in pint size containers. For salami I buy the Olympic provisions as they are soft enough to cut with a knife and I dont look like a cow chewing cud.
Kristin – I’m also the salami, cheese and bread type…I ate a lot of sandwiches, salads, and that type of thing. The whole time I lived in San Francisco I didn’t have a kitchen in my studio so cooking ahead wasn’t a thing. Canned soup is a decent option. Or burritos. Microwaving some beans and putting them into a tortilla is about the extent I can handle when I crawl back into my house after working 10 hours.
Sam – Toast/english muffins with stuff* on it.
Where in stuff = what is cheap with my safe way club card and I think will be good on toast/english muffins.
*butter is the base that stuff sits on.

Quick ideas for home:
Kim – Trader Joe’s rosemary roasted chicken breast. Ready to eat. Just open the package, eat cold or warm it up in microwave. It also keeps in the fridge for a few days. Super convenient, healthy and delicious!

Amberina – I always keep a couple of packs of the trader Joe’s chicken salads that come in like three different flavors and eat that on the trader Joe’s “some enchanted cracker”. Also their (TJs) wrapped SAMMICHES are fantastic, low fat and really tasty (tarragon chicken is my favorite.).  Another healthy late night snack is to buy TJS boiled and shelled eggs and then you can make toast, put a little curry aioli (that you can buy) on toast, wild rocket, and the slice eggs and place on top open face. Takes the time to toast the bread. Super easy.
Devon – Whole foods has some excellent organic microwaveable meals. Hard boiled eggs
Eliza – I keep tamales in the freezer for just such occasions. I also like to make a big pot of rice in the rice cooker whenever I get a chance. Then microwave it and eat it with a fried egg and some microwaved vegetables for a really quick meal. Trader Jo’s sells pre-made rice if you don’t have a rice cooker. Great job as Lola tonight!!
Laura – Naked Green Juice. Sliced turkey lunch meat.
Rachel – My go-to when I’m out working is a pack of dinner rolls, a pack of deli meat, and sliced cheese for tiny sandwiches, rounded out with a couple fistfuls of prepped fruit and veg. When I get home and want something that takes two minutes, I poach an egg in the microwave and put it on a piece of toast spread with hummus or cream cheese.
Mortiche – Hard boiled eggs, either by themselves or on/in a salad. Hummus can be tucked into many foods and is easy to eat (scoop with crackers/veggies, add a layer to any simple sandwich). Whole Foods sells about six of their own varieties, I love their lemon hummus. Avocados are so versatile to me: savory drizzled with some olive oil, salt and fresh cracked pepper (throw some fresh parsley on it if you have some) or sweet with some maple syrup and a pinch of sea salt. In the time it takes you to make toast, you can put all three together ON a piece of toast to make one of my favorite snacks; scramble an egg while the bread is toasting, slice the avocado. When toast is ready, top with the hummus, egg and avocado, salt and pepper. Granola bars, or actually fruit and nut bars are again high in protein and healthy fats. Costco sells Cascadian Farms organic granola bars. Top yogurt with granola and dried fruit. You can buy precooked rice that is frozen and reheat in the microwave. Trader Joe’s has brown and white, plus one with other grains and vegetables mixed in. Top with smoked salmon and some gomasio (a sea salt/seaweed/sesame seed condiment) or furikake (Japanese seasoned seaweed sprinkles to flavor rice). Both should be easily found in most supermarkets around here, but if not let me know and I can get you some.
Sarah W. – My PhD-student go-tos are oatcakes (think really grainy crackers) with cheese and baked beans; Greek salad (only chopping involved); self-assembled parfait (yogurt + muesli + fruit).
Sam – trader joes sells pre shelled hard boiled eggs in a bag. I would probably have died by now of a protein deficiency with out those.
David E. – But more often, for a late night snack… rolled oats with some vegetarian protein powder. The one I have now tastes so good!
Rose – Sliced carrots thrown in a bag and a tub of hummus, hard boiled eggs, almond butter packets squeezed on an apple or banana, sliced cheese and crackers, olives, avocado with a spoon… Late night when I get home quesadillas with green stuff or grated carrots thrown in.
Meredith – My late night go-to: Greek yogurt for protein and a fistful of berries.
Rat – *gasp* just realised you live where avocados exist. this is no longer a question. -buttered toast, sliced avo on top, 1clove chopped raw garlic on top, generous cayenne pepper, sprinkle salt- staple meal for the exhausted. mandatory fart warning.
Zenon – Revitalize crackers have high fiber and low carbs as a filler, also try a few oz of whatever protein like turkey slices and a half of a cucumber or a whole green pepper or some zucchini or raw squash. Broth or miso is a good chaser. 90 to 100 gm protein with 120 gm complex carb is good. Avoid chips .hummus, etc… Let’s not forget the old Wagnerian sauerkraut a few tablespoons. If you add brags vinegar to it you get stabilization of your blood sugars. And after a few days some weight loss from ummmm all the fiber
Edmund – Hummus and pita FTW.
Cheryl – Sliced tomatoes with cheese and balsamic and olive oil at home, or Greek yoghurt plus fruit and nuts and chia seeds with a touch of honey. I always have TJ’s simply almonds, cashews and cranberry trail mix with me. Kashi or Kind bars. You could also microwave a small potato and add yoghurt and Parmesan when really empty.
Elizabeth – I used to keep cantaloupe or other melon around. At 11 pm you can eat a whole or a half of one and it’ll be easy on your digestion, hydrating and it will make you feel full.
Mary – Yes, a full avocado eaten like ice cream. I just made myself leftovers at the end of the day. Or a big salad at the end of the night is yummy.
Autumn – I also like their cold cuts wrapped in lettuce or kale.
Hearts of Palm dipped in TJs red pepper/eggplant dip, so good.
TJ’s pre-cooked chicken breasts are close to the fresh pasta, the sausage and hotdogs. I don’t get the sliced chicken because it has cornstarch in it.
Remember that there is no denser source of calories and fat than nuts, as awesome as they are.
Mara – Oh and grilled cheese are quick on the stove. Can add proteins like lunch meat or avocado! Btw I like the rice pasta from tj’s vs all the flour ones.
Carmen – Disclaimer: I typically hate canned soup….but….Trader Joe’s or Amy’s brand organic Lentil Vegetable canned soup. It’s the perfect combination of tasty, relatively low calorie yet filling, natural ingredients, and all you have to do is pour it in a bowl and heat it up. Easy to store and will keep for a long time.
Lis – At our TJ the pre cooked chx is in the premade salad section. There’s usually 2-3 kinds (regular, rosemary, and Caesar).
Twila – Trader Joe is a good answer. There are reasonably priced great tasting items in their deli area. I particularly like the BBQ Chicken salad. They put everything in separate packets so when you put everything together in less than 5 minutes, it really tastes fresh, fresh. And all the ingredients are carefully noted on the back of the package, complete with calories and fat.
Val – Put cottage cheese and frozen berries in a container in the morning. By evening snack time the berries will be thawed but the whole thing will still be cold. Great protein source.
Aumna – I keep frozen veggies and second the microwaved potato. Also salad, hummus and carrots, and for the future a little forward planning can leave you with bags of frozen rice and daal, or really frozen anything you like to eat. When I’m doing a show I make big batches of stuff before the rehearsal period starts then freeze it or box it and then I have a lot of easy grab n go or microwave meals. But probably the easiest is microwave a potato, steam veggies in the microwave, top potato with veggies and a can of beans. I also keep lots of cans of black beans and garbanzo beans and what have you because instant tacos/burrito/salad/pasta topping. Then for the true lazy-man’s dinner, there’s always oatmeal (or your cereal of choice). Though seriously, egg + nonstick pan + high heat takes less time than microwaving food. And as a bonus you can probably just wipe the pan down and use it again to cook eggs in the morning.
Sharma – Warrior bars, Starbucks salads and protein boxes, apple and cheese, pacific soups, also ants on a log with the ants!!!!
Judy – hummus and pita.
Scrambled eggs… With whatever you want to out in it.
T.Js also had some really good omega 3 trail mix.
It’s not a real meal, but a few handfuls has been my dinner at that hour on numerous occasion, plus, not too much for the body to deal with, when it should at rest.
Erik – Wraps. Hummus. If you are in Vallejo and in need of food, call us! That is an option.
Mary – Or some zap-ready veggie chili?
Gabe – Greek yogurt is nice, add schtuff to it (I like banana bread)
Josh – Buy a salad mix. When Luke (see what I did) is chopping veggies, chicken, whatever; some goes into the fridge for you to toss into the salad. The haes part is keeping the Tupperware from leaking. [from Marisa - this is brilliant! I love this one!]
Cynthia – Are you veggie? Three Stone Hearth makes great nutrient dense meals that you can just hear in a pan. I find that Tanka bars are good too. I also like fruit and cottage cheese or yogurt, and apple with cheese or peanut butter. If money isn’t an issue, stop at whole foods or andronicos deli and buy prepared meat and squash or grain salad. It’s hard!
Cynthia – mashed tuna and white beans, with dried (or fresh) chopped parsley sprinkled in, and a healthy squirt or 5 of lemon juice. spoon onto bread, toasted or not.
Hilary – Salads (which can vary in complexity from “pile of greens” to “add random protein and veggies from fridge.” Yogurt & granola & sometimes fruit. The boxed soups from Imagine tend to be better (and healthier) than canned soups. Edamame. Salad w/ pre-cooked black lentils from Trader Joe’s (in the produce section, Luke), or with a can of tuna thrown in for protein. A roast chicken (picked up from whole foods or the like) can do a pretty good job at being several meals worth of “add to salad”. Carrots or pepper strips and hummus. If you eat eggs, hard-boiled eggs make very portable snacks; fried eggs and a handful of greens makes a quick dinner.
Joule – Trader joes also has strips of pre-cooked chicken in their Frozen section. Less worry re: spoilage. And I lived off their black bean and corn enchiladas, which are actually dairy free, so less calorie dense.
Not-so-quick ideas for home:
Sarah – Not the same, but when I was writing my thesis if forget to eat, do I kept a variety of frozen veg, assorted frozen meat substitutes (tofu, boca burgers and sausages, etc) and mix and match. You can even batch up boxes to store in the freezer and pull out, if you feel inclined.
John A. – What I do is put rice, water, meat, and vegetable in rice cooker and turn on. Take a shower, get into jammies and it’s almost done. Add sauce of your choice and boom, tasty meal
Rat – if you have one day with hours to spare make some burritos n freeze em. make like 30. and make 30 burritos in 4 varieties so your digestive tract doesn’t feel like some kind of horrible factory processing tube
Mary – make chili and freeze it (for the end of the day)?
Mara – That precooked chicken breast or a rotisserie will get you pretty far because you can add it to so many things like salad a quick sandwich, soup, pasta, rice. They have microwave cups of jasmine rice. Frozen shrimp cook up really fast. Bean and cheese burrito or quesadilla in microwave (just cover with a damp paper towel and it’ll steam it vs norm micro killing of food. Nuke a potato (don’t forget to poke holes in it) and stuff with cheese/chicken/scallions/etc. You might want to get a rice cooker that can also steam veggies/fish. That way you can set the timer and walk away for 15 min shower or whatever then come back to low grease cooked veggies and fish etc.
Lis – It’s an investment, but we freaking love our breville slow cooker+rice cooker+risotto maker. Slow cooker meals are epic and should be fine for being out of the house that long (granted we don’t put meat in them but there’s a whack of veggie recipes).
Wende – I luv the TJ pre-cooked lentils. Throw them in the cuisinart w/kale carrots & bell peppers, keeps in the fridge for ~a week. Throw the combo in some flatbread or tortilla & it’s easy burrito. This is as close to “cooking” as I get.
Noel – In the “for tomorrow” category: dump stuff into the slow cooker at 2PM…
Mollie – TJ’s has a really yummy Greek Chicken with Orzo in their pre-cooked fridge section. I often eat this when I get home from club at 3am. Takes 2 min in the microwave and is super yummy.
Mary – How about a batch of pasta salad?
Cynthia – At the beginning of the week I make a huge batch of smoothie with frozen berries, whey (or protein powder), flax seed oil, chia seeds, greens powder, some stevia or OJ and some water, then I freeze them in small mason jars and take them with me. They keep other stuff cold and melt enough to eat with a spoon.
On-the-road ideas:
Alex – When you do cook, wrap up the leftovers burrito-style and freeze them. On a hot day you can just leave them on your dashboard to warm. If not then microwave.
David E. – Burrito
Lori – I used to take a little cooler with me and keep hard boiled eggs, sliced turkey, Greek yogurt or tuna salad in there. My fav post-show meal was a tuna sandwich. And bananas and apples…
Mary –  low sodium (or homemade) beef or turkey jerky (lots) and nut mixtures or trail mix with some dark chocolate. Fruit and veggies with peanut butter and hard boiled eggs. You rock!!! Toi toi toi!
Autumn – I used to get single serving milk boxes and kept granola with me when I’d be away from home too much. At home for late night after sewing or performing I loved TJs chicken potstickers.
Now I make sure I have their pre-cooked chicken breast which I slice and eat with any number of things, sliced apple being a favorite.
Twila –  I keep a big canister of Kirkland Extra Fancy Mixed Nuts. When I’m starving, a couple handfuls of this high protein snack will fend off the hunger pangs.
Budd – If you can have a good prepared meal at lunch – the right mix of protein and energy bars, plus apples/carrots/celery/broccoli/cauliflower as you can carry – will help a ton if you keep eating regularly as you are able. Sunflower seeds and nuts can also give boosts if added judiciously.
Nikki – I generally always carry a protein bar with me for emergency food. (When my blood sugar gets low, I crash fast. Not a good thing.) My current favorite are the peppermint stick Luna bars.
Aumna – I also take fruit with me everywhere, and usually don’t leave the house with less than three pieces. An banana that I’ll eat early, an apple or an orange which will stand being rolled around all day, and something fun like mango or pineapple or peaches. Also take a bigger lunchbox! At least a sandwich or something! Canned tuna, pb & j, whatever! Don’t let yourself starve! Also nuts, granola, etc. are good. grabbing like four extra granola bars so don’t really think I’m gonna eat.
Hilary – For portability, sometimes I’ll do yogurt-based smoothies or some of the odwalla juice smoothies with protein added.

Farmer’s Daughter

My siblings and I grew up partly in the states and partly on a farm in Germany. Which is to say, they weren’t vacations; they were working Summers. The reason much of Europe shuts down the month of August has to do not with a leisurely lifestyle but that all hands were needed on deck to help with the harvest and we were imported labor.

Our uncle, whose farm it is, has a sensitivity towards animals that is hard to imagine until you’ve seen him nurse an injured one. As you can imagine, this doesn’t go so well with certain aspects of farming, and so he long ago gave up raising (seriously delicious) bulls for slaughter, as well as eating the chickens we raised (eggs only). Roosters and geese go on living to ripe old age, usually until a marder gets them.

My sister and I grew up creating things like the Super Slug Savers(™) club, which primarily consisted of waiting for rain, then going into our (dead-end, almost-no-traffic) street and scooping slugs onto leaves with sticks and bringing them to the other side of the street (in the same direction in which they were headed, obviously. Anything else would have been a cruelty.). When we (ok, Miriam) accidentally drowned a caterpillar we were trying to save by floating its cement-covered legs in a 50 gallon drum of rainwater (we couldn’t tip it over. We tried.), my mother offered her stock response… “It will all be over in 100 years.” A year later the response turned to “It would have been long dead by now,” which is a response that was quite handy also for when she regaled us with our grandfather’s horrible WWI stories; he worked with the warhorses. Many of them died. I won’t go into it, but these as bedtime stories probably shaped a large part of my sense of humor and faux-callousness. But, don’t worry; they would have been long dead by now.

One of the Summers we spent, we raised rabbits. I should have known better than to ask to say goodbye to them our last day. But, the previous evening’s stew had been quite delicious. I was 5 or so at the time.

One Summer, the sheepfarmer who lived nearby had a black sheep in the flock. A black sheep! How fantastic. We named it. Naturally, we named it Blackie; originality with naming not being so much our strong suit. We visited Blackie every day; it was primarily Miriam’s obsession, and she loved him. We brought food especially for Blackie. And Müsler, the sheepfarmer, thought this was adorable. We did this all Summer. We watched Blackie grow. We were super-excited to come back the next year and see how much Blackie had grown; this was, after all, primarily a wool farm. 

Imagine our excitement when, as we prepared our last few days of the Summer, our Uncle told us that Müsler had something for Miriam! What would it be? Something made from Blackie’s wool? We waited in rapt anticipation as Müsler proudly revealed… oh, I can’t say it.Image

We stared. I tried to say thank you. Miriam, I think, ran from the room to cry. Poor Müsler felt terrible; he’d given us a fantastic gift, very valuable. He could have sold it, could have made good money, could have kept Blackie for years for wool. He’d thought we would love this and didn’t understand these (primarily city) kids’ unnatural attachment to farm animals who are 95% functional, 5% pet. Miriam is still a vegetarian. I eventually recovered – Blackie would have been long dead by now. 

Bad Ideas

Following are some of my business plans, none of which will ever come to fruition. However, when you do see them in play, know that you heard it here first. Read. Whatever.

1) Mint-flavored ruphies Because no one says no to a mint. (Circa 1995)

2) The ruphie-Viagra cocktail, for the unwilling male. (Circa 1996 and subsequently mentioned in a Valentine’s Day list)

3) The Grassy Knoll Shooting Range. Too soon? (Circa 1999)

(Today)
4) A motorcycle club called “The Cops”.

5) A restaurant called “Whatever You Want,” for perpetually indecisive dining couples.

6) A bar called “The Office”, so you can stay late at the office.

Valentine’s Day 2014

So, as many of you know, for many (10) years, I wrote a list of dating tips, which I published on Valentine’s Day. I got older (inevitable, or better than the alternative), got (marginally) wiser, and thus began running out of source material. Thank goodness. One hopes ones mistakes get less interesting with age. Anyway. I made a book; it’s here:
http://store.blurb.com/ebooks/187750-ten-years-of-valentines

And, frankly… it’s awesome.  <–subjective

I have one item this year, and it’s…
The thing you’re trying to explain away about your partner now will be the reason you break up later. Or the reason you should. Seriously, they’re called red flags for a reason.

And, all years:
http://phreddiva.wordpress.com/2013/02/14/valentines-day-list-2013/

The end result? Valentine’s Day became a holiday I loved, and to which I looked forward and, if some of you are to be believed, provided a reason to look forward to a generally obnoxious, NOXIOUS, ridiculous holiday. So… Thank you. 

And, if you’re new here… uhm. Hi. More about me than you ever wanted to know.

What I Wouldn’t Have

Occasionally, as it did today, it will take me by surprise. I will be going about my business, insomnia, the works, and suddenly it will be 13 August, or 8 October.

My mother would have been 72 today.

You can never know the path your life would take, or the flaps of which butterfly wings led you to where you are. Here’s my pass.

For myriad reasons and random paths, the following are probably true. If you knew me then, and know me now, these won’t surprise you.

If my mother hadn’t died over 15 years ago I would not:

Be with Luke.
Have the depth and breadth of friendship that I have with Ben.
Have the depth and breadth of friendship that I have with David.
Have the incredible, unexpected, fantastic friendship I have with Ellinor.
Have the poignant, striking memories of my then-nascent, beautiful friendships with Karyn, Dan, and Kate.
Sing with a circus troupe.
Have Death Wish.
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Have a near-crippling fear of losing the people I love.
Have a near-crippling fear of getting on a plane, or the people I love getting on a plane.
Have worked my ass off for this career that is becoming downright amazing.
Have worked with Coppola.
Be so incredibly comfortable with every facet of my eccentric, artistic, creative, oddly-thought-patterned self.
Have started taking aerials at 33.
Only ever be in competition with myself.
Sing at every moment, every chance, bring it into every aspect of my world.
Appreciate each of the people in my world to the point of bar-drunk “I love you’s” while sober.
Be wide open to the next journey.

Thank you all for being here; whether you love, or hate (both), or are annoyed by, or cherish, or all of the above, me. And, Mom, thank you for the gifts you gave me; then, and now.

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